Moments

There are moments that I have enjoyed during my pregnancy.

Like the moment that I told my grandmother she’d be a great grandmother

The moment my husband first felt a kick by placing his hand on my belly after days of trying to bring him into the experience.

The moment my friends daughter said grace over dinner and included “and I hope that Emma and the baby are healthy”
(Adorable and still makes me want to tear up).

The moment my mother in law presented me with a blanket that her mother had made for my husband 32 years prior. And the moment we both cried together because it was so truly special.

The moment my mother showed me the handmade mobile she’d designed and crafted, taking me back to childhood moments of craft with her.

But these are all moments. Beautiful moments and special times I’ll remember.

But 9 months (or 7.5 for most people from the time they find out they are pregnant, for me it was 6.5 weeks in), is a long time. To enjoy and be excited consistently for that period is unreasonable to ask of anyone. And frankly I’m just being honest about that.

How many people enjoy and feel excited by every moment of every day? They don’t. Or perhaps they do and I’m a massive cynic. But I would say overall I’m a generally positive, upbeat and bubbly person. It’s actually quite what I’m known for.

However I’m also honest and real and authentic. and I want to experience life in this way. Feeling the feelings as they are and experiencing the moments as they happen.

So let me have my moments of joy. Let me savour these and truly love them for the precious times that they are.

But please don’t put a blanket over the whole 9 months of my experience and then simplify it down to either I enjoyed it or I didn’t. It’s an incredibly complex time of emotions and no woman should ever feel that she has to experience it in any given way.

Overall, I do not enjoy the emotional, physical or psychological journey that is pregnancy. But when I do enjoy a moment, that is beautiful and I’ll embrace that joy wholeheartedly.

It’s ok to enjoy parts of a difficult journey.

It’s ok to look forward to an outcome while not enjoying a process.

It’s ok to love one day and detest the next.

Life is complex.

Personally, I’m here for the whole journey. The highs, the lows. The ups, the downs.

Life is a series of tiny moments. And in time, I will reflect on and look back on these beautiful ones above. That’s my joy. For now, I’m just riding the wave.