“You said THEY! Are you having twins?”

I refer to my baby as they. No. We are not having twins. “They” can be used a singular when you’re not referring to a specific gender, it’s often adopted by non-binary and transgender people. As we have chosen to keep the gender of our baby a secret (despite knowing ourselves), we speak about them as “they”.

Let’s look at the dictionary definition:




  1. used to refer to two or more people or things previously mentioned or easily identified.
    “the two men could get life sentences if they are convicted”

  2. used to refer to a person of unspecified gender.
    “ask a friend if they could help”

And another one for the singular they:

Singular they is the use in English of the pronoun they or its inflected or derivative forms, them, their, theirs, and themselves, as an epicene singular pronoun. It typically occurs with an unspecified antecedent, as in sentences such as: “Somebody left their umbrella in the office.  

I get this comment now so often!

“Are you having TWO?” 

“What? Two babies?”

“Is there something you need to tell us?”

No! I’m just not calling them he, she or it. I also don’t want to constantly say “the baby” and also we didn’t make a nickname for them. So they it is. 

They’re in there, in my belly, happy and healthy. This makes total sense to me and it’s how I’ve felt most comfortable referring to them in this way.

Even at home we say “they” instead of using their gender (which again, we know) or their name. It feels weird to me. I know that they are a baby now and definitely past the feotus stage. We have a little human.But to me, a baby is born when they come earthside and so for now I choose to withhold their name and give them that when we meet them on the outside. 

Seeing the definition above, and being rather proficient in English as it’s my first language, the subject I excelled in at school, and also as a writer for my profession, I can understand that “they” commonly refers to “two or more people”. But as with many words in the english language, the word “they” has more than one meaning.

So, to clarify again. Just ONE baby. We refer to them as they as we are not specifying their gender until they are earth side with us. 

Tell me, how did you choose to talk about your little one before you met them? 

Published by Emma Lovell

My name is Emma. Owner and Director of Lovelly Communications, I specialise in Personal Branding and key messaging. I'm also the Australian representative for Take me to India, a luxury boutique travel company in India. I feel blessed to run businesses that give me the freedom to follow my true passion, travel! I'm happiest when I'm having new experiences. Whether it's a new cafe down the road, a bucket list item like Everest Base Camp or seeing friends in another city, I truly love travelling! So please join me in my many adventures across my many sites. And please do contact me for information on any of the above!

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