You don’t get to be the expert anymore

It’s funny all these women who have been there before me and commenting on the pregnancy experience. Some of them from 30 years ago, some from 50 years ago and some from 5 years ago. But regardless, they position themselves as the expert and certainly with more knowledge than I.

But as I write this, I’m 31 weeks pregnant. And although I haven’t made it to the end of the rollercoaster yet, I’m pretty sure that since I am currently IN IT and am actually you know … pregnant … that right now, I am the expert!!

I am at the very least, an expert on my own pregnancy, we can all surely agree upon that at least!

So why then do people keep insisting on telling me what pregnancy is like (it’s a little too late guys, where were you 20 weeks ago or like 6 months ago when it was a vague idea). I’m experiencing it now for myself, and although I do have some questions that come up – a lot of the comments and advice are completely irrelevant to me now.

I mean I think we’ve established long ago that unsolicited advice is rude and unwelcome – hence the “unsolicited”. But it’s the addition of the authority that is put on it that makes it so annoying. 

My experience of pregnancy is fresh and current. I am living it day in and day out. I’m enjoying checking my experience against the predictions of the apps, some books and SOME close friends experiences who I have approached and welcomed the sharing. So I’m not just sitting here going “I’ve got this and I don’t need any of you!” I just don’t need to be told on a daily basis what the experience is like … cos it’s happening!

I think it’s funny though, especially with older family members, they’ll still always feel they know the experience better than me. And for sure, they had their experience! They have the proof – children! But their experiences were their own and unique, as everyone’s is, to them. 

Perhaps it’s because they are older than me so will always be the authority figures in my life. Perhaps it’s because they’ve had more than one pregnancy, so of course being three quarters of the way through I am still not as experienced as they are in the pregnancy stakes. Perhaps they do have some pearls of wisdom to share.

But to position yourself in a ranking order over me, or this is how I perceive it at least, when it comes to what pregnancy should be like or will be like, at this point  – I have to again call BULLSHIT.

Again, I am the expert of my own pregnancy experience.

Just as you dear reader, if you have been or are pregnant, are the expert on your own pregnancy experience.

This is not to say you are a medical professional or have any sort of a qualification to go out now and give others advice (please! Don’t be that person). But on your own EXPERIENCE – what you have been through and what you are going through at this present moment – I can guarantee you are 100% the expert.

So own that! As I am too. And when the people come up with their wealth of advice, comments and feedback, you can thank them for sharing their experience and know that your experience is your own.

OR you can tell them to bugger off and mind their own business because you’re on your own journey as we speak and you’ve had it up to here with the advice thank you! You had your time, now it’s mine! 

haha ok, we can all agree the first approach is better.

Don’t be afraid to ask people to stop sharing or minimise the commenting if it’s getting too much for you. I’m sure it comes from a place of love and all that, but you’ve got to be allowed to have your own path and walk that how you see fit. 

As I mentioned earlier, and have said in other posts, I’m very good at asking for support and seeking help. And trust me! I am talking about this pregnancy and having the conversations. I would just like to be granted the courtesy and understanding that when it comes to MY pregnancy, I know what’s going on. 

Share below some of the “fun” advice and comments you’ve had from those who’ve walked the pregnancy path before you.

Published by Emma Lovell

My name is Emma. Owner and Director of Lovelly Communications, I specialise in Personal Branding and key messaging. I'm also the Australian representative for Take me to India, a luxury boutique travel company in India. I feel blessed to run businesses that give me the freedom to follow my true passion, travel! I'm happiest when I'm having new experiences. Whether it's a new cafe down the road, a bucket list item like Everest Base Camp or seeing friends in another city, I truly love travelling! So please join me in my many adventures across my many sites. And please do contact me for information on any of the above!

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