JOURNAL – Week 15 – 4 to 10 August 2020.
Weight: 66.5 kilos. Doctor said don’t worry about the weight too much. But I do!
Cravings: gummy bears, pickles again! Yay, I went off pickles. It was so weird. I love pickles. And everyone says pregnant women want pickles all the time. But I couldn’t stand them for the first 8 weeks! So strange!
Also raising toast with LOTS of butter.
How much weight have I gained?
Answer: 1 kilo
Can I take any cold medication?
Do I still need to have the doctor appointments as well as obstetrician?
Answer: Yes, every three weeks in between visits.
It’s week 15. Day two. I’m catching up again! Oh, wait! It’s actually week 16 – day two and I’m catching up again. Whoops!!
We were an apple this week. 70 grams and 10 centimeters, getting a lot bigger.
I thought that was big! Maybe I should write the fruit sizes in my journal instead of waist measurements as it suggests. Waist is kind of interesting … But I’m 10 weeks late to start recording my waist measurement now! And also, maybe I really don’t want to know.
The sickness has definitely almost gone now. I’m still very tired and that makes things hard. But I’m also very emotional. I feel flat and unmotivated. I’m trying very hard not to be hard on myself. To be kind and patient.
I don’t want you to feel the stress from me, little one.
Work is important to me. My business is important to me. And I want to provide a solid future for our family. But I just struggle some days to focus and to take action. And in some ways I’m losing confidence and drive.
I’m trying to be patient and just doing what I can, when I can.
Your grandparents are still up visiting this week and being very helpful. I feel very grateful for them and they support us a lot. They are looking to buy a holiday house up on the Gold Coast near us which would be great! You would get a lot more time with them. And that would be helpful for me and your daddy too.
By the way, your daddy Matthew is lovely. He’s been very calm throughout and he does a lot at home. He cooks, he does handyman things, he cleans and he loves your mummy. That last one is very important.
I woke up stressed on Thursday. I wanted to visit the kinesiologist, as she’s helped me a lot through this process. But the borders are closing again.
I had a meeting to go to. I had work on. More meetings on. It all felt overwhelming.
Then I stopped and I just thought I really just want to enjoy this time.
I don’t want to think about being sick or tired or fat. Yes, I feel that I want to grow you and nurture you and give you the best chance in life. I love you little one and I’m going to be the best mama I can be for you.
I promise to start being more grateful. To slow down and to be present for you my little love. I’m here for you.